Skydekkerix

Hello everyone, how are you? Not so good? Ain’t that the truth.

Today my friend asked me to write about super heroes after a rant about how he could kill them all with a sniper rifle. So I am going to answer the question “Can super heroes actually be killed by a decent sniper?”.

Answer is no. Hell no. I will give you some examples and show you why.

Superman. This is obvious. No. He is invulnerable to bullets. You may ask the question “What about Kryptonite bullets?”. You can’t turn kryptonite into bullets. It is some weird crystal. Try to shoot it and it will just shatter and spray out the gun like paintballs out of every skirmish gun ever used because I seem to pick up the only broken one and then I don’t have fun because all I do is hide like some jumpy kid out of a World War 2 film. Also he is faster than bullets.

Spiderman. Again no. He may not be as ridiculous over-powered and boring as super man but still no. First he has spider sense. I don’t know if spiders have magic brains that can tell when danger is about to happen but Spiderman does. Set up a good position and firing line to kill him and he will just say “Fuck that.” and not go there. And most of the time he is swinging at ridiculous speeds in all different directions. Sniper rifles aren’t designed to hit a small swinging target. You may say “But I hit moving targets all the time on COD.” Well, get a life.

Batman. This one is a little more difficult because his only power is being rich. Still no. Batman drives a tank for one. You can’t kill a tank with a sniper rifle. Also Batman doesn’t go into things with the same retarded recklessness as most super heroes. He investigates and sets up the situation so it will be in his favour. Everyone wants to kill him so he is completely paranoid about everything. If someone is going to try some shit like that he will probably know about it. So good luck trying to find him.

I’m sure there are plenty of other heroes I can mention but I don’t want to make this post too long. Basically super heroes are designed in a way that they can’t be killed that easily, otherwise it would make for very short and boring comic books.

Same rules, first commenter choose next topic or I rant about writing or some shit.

Does being a nutjob help or hinder the writing process? Well it depends on what kind of crazy you are talking about. I know quite a few good writers and they tend to be sane, as in they don’t murder people. They are self aware and don’t do stupid things. But it does pay to be different. Any good writer needs to have a unique perspective of reality, otherwise they will just churn out the same old boring shit. Every good writer I know is not generally a ‘normal’ person. They haven’t led necessarily weird lives but they are definitely not run of the mill. It helps to be a little crazy if you’re writing something out of the ordinary. An overactive imagination helps as well. I couldn’t write half the weird stuff I’ve written without a little crazy happening upstairs.

However being crazy can hinder the writing process a lot. For instance I find it really hard to write while I’m hallucinating that I’m turning into a werewolf. I think crazy is alright if you actually realise the extent of it and can separate it from reality. I know when I’m not being normal and can remove myself from it, even use it if I think it will be entertaining or good. Unfortunately you do get a lot of people who write books and mistake their own insanity for talent. Maybe I’m one of them. If I am well…shit.

So basically crazy doesn’t really help or hinder the writing process, talent does. If you are talented and crazy you will write some really weird, good shit. If you are not talented and crazy you will make a lot of people laugh, not in a good way.

I get to talk about what I want today! So I will talk about a series of stupid Game of Thrones dreams I’ve been having. I’m sitting on a hat trick at the moment and I haven’t read or watched the series in ages. Get ready for a Game of Groans. (I should write for MAD magazine and then kill myself)

Alright first one. I am me. It is a nightmare already. I am going to be king. My brother says something about me being king “for now” and intense music starts playing. I scold him for using intense music because it sounds like he is going to betray me. Then I take a wander around a really nice garden with some fish in a pool. Then Robert Baratheon (played very well by Mark Addy) strolls up and I hug him because he is my dad and I want to be a good king and make him proud. The end, no moral.

Ok second one. This time I am Robert Baratheon (played by Mark Addy). I am flying around a big, multi-directional suspension bridge in a silver hatchback smashing different knight’s heads in with a short and unweildy hammer. Then I decide to kill Jaime Lannister in my best english accent. I head over to where he and Cersei are sitting on a bench reading a story. EXCEPT JAIME IS A LITTLE KID. I can’t kill a little kid, mainly because he is too fast for me, so I lay me head down on the bench at look at the camera and say (in my best english accent) “crush mah head in will ya”. So then I stand up and crush my own head in with a hammer. This is not the most retarded one either.

Third one, and easily the worst. I was sleeping on my friends floor after drinking a whole bottle of port. After this one I woke up and had to have a smoke and a good think about life and what it meant to me. It shook me up something rotten. Ok here we go. Urgh. Me and everyone in the house at the time, which was about five other people, were all lying on a giant mattress in a dark room. Bad start. Now here is the fucked up thing, we were all connected to some hive mind thing by invisible green tendrils. And we were controlling each others bodies. This is easily the weirdest thing I have ever felt. And I hallucinate regularly. So anyway my friends control my body so I am playing “Chopsticks” on a tiny piano. They all crack up laughing. Now you may be wondering where GoT comes into this. Be prepared, what follows will make your life slightly more retarded. Ned Stark then yells at us for laughing because the king has just died and we should all be in mourning because we are all his wife.

I need a new subconcious.

(First commenter chooses tomorrows topic or you get more of this crap)

Well since nobody hijacked this post I guess I will talk about writing. Writer’s Clubs in fact if you didn’t read the title.

I  started a writer’s club about a year ago. I called it The Guild of Scribes or something wanky like that. At that point I wasn’t very comfortable with my writing so I wanted to get weekly practice and critiques from other writers. Problem was I filled it mainly with people who didn’t or didn’t want to write. There were a couple of hidden talents in there, but mainly it was about socialising for the other members. Which is not necessarily a bad thing unless you actually want to talk about writing at some point.

I originally got the idea from a Stylistics class at university. I tried to create something where we could play with stylistic techniques and in the process better our work. Unfortunately because it was mainly (And I stress mainly, there were a couple of writers in there, some already writing and some just discovering their talent) filled with readers not writers the focus shifted from style to content. They wanted to read good stories, not interesting styles. I tried to keep it on the tracks but it derailed heavily and it ended up with me writing something every week and everyone else pretty much ignoring the tasks.

So this is the problem with writer’s clubs in my experience. You end up doing just what you’re supposed to be doing anyway. Writing by yourself. Writing is a journey that you can only really do by yourself. Sure you get others to read your stuff and get opinions on it, but really no one can make you write better. You write and then you edit. That’s it. Once you’re happy with it you get others to read it. You can’t get others in on the writing process, you have to go it alone.

So if your writing is just a hobby, writers clubs are a good thing. You can socialise and have fun and everyone can drink your wine and eat your cheese because you are the only one who bothered to make an effort. But if you want to make writing your career, I would suggest forgetting about it. It takes up a lot of time and effort which you could spend writing something that will pay the rent.

(Usual rules, first commenter chooses topic or I just talk about writing.)

Well the next topic is about the purpose of blogging in my opinion which is of very little value. Thanks to my lovely sister. Daaaaaang.

Well the main reason I blog is the worst reason. Boredom. I have nothing to do so I fill the Internet with the useless crap that festers in my brain soup. I sit down after a hard day of writing and I want to have a conversation that goes a bit different than “My work sucks. Smoke?” So I talk to myself, via the internet. Then people can overhear with their eye-holes and get together and decide that I am the main psychopath of the land. Actually why I’m doing it is to write down my thoughts so I can look at them later on and decide not to thinks those things again.

In an ideal world this would be a blog about writing techniques and hobbies and the pits I fall in so other people can not fall in them after me. Plus it’s practice. The main thing a writer needs is practice communicating using the written word. You can see what works and what doesn’t so you don’t look like an idiot when you send your work to a publisher and realise it’s useless drivel.

I don’t know why you’re reading my thoughts. Like, seriously, why? They’re not very good thoughts. They’re like those late night television game shows run by people who made a fool of themselves on Big Brother and can’t return to real life because everyone knows that they are a shitty person. I forgot where I was going with this.

The other reason is entertainment I guess. I get a kick out of making myself look like an idiot. Ask anyone I know, if you know them, which you probably do considering the only people who read this blog is a dude I know from high school and my sister, my biggest joke is me. I’m a funny guy, but funny at rather than with. My gravestone will read “Haha, good one guys.”

So that is the purpose of blogging in my opinion, to make my friends laugh at me when I’m not even there. This is why I don’t see a therapist. They don’t think I’m funny, just sick.

First commenter gets to choose a topic for tomorrow.

Facebook games. Thank you to my friend for hijacking what should have been a beautiful first stage of my journey into the internet and careening it into the realms of the retarded. I played Vampire Wars when I started up on FB because I didn’t realise how incredibly annoying it was to all of my ex-friends who I deleted because I didn’t like them. Basically you earned points by clicking a button and they would get a notification saying that I bit them. I only realised how retarded this was after three hours. That’s three hours I could have spent… not doing that. I never did anything that retarded again, and anyone who knows me knows how big a call that is.

Facebook poker is shit. I like poker, I love poker. It is my wife. FB poker is not poker. It is a place where eight people with too many consonants in their name and blank profile pictures sit around and hit the call button until someone runs out of money. Usually me.

Farmville. I don’t know what that is. My little brother played it at some point. Or it might have been Frontierville. Or Fishville.

I played some retarded RPG, which actually didn’t really count as an RPG as all you had to do was get enough friends playing to get an item so you could progress to the next area. I don’t even think it had graphics. It was like a machine meant to bore you to death, fuelled by the destruction of your loose friendships that you worked so hard to get because you are not good at connecting with people.

I don’t know if Facebook games have progressed beyond this. I don’t even know what the makers of these games get out of it. Is there a prize for making peoples lives slightly more shitty? I will (not) find this out some day.

By the way I’m not usually going to rant like this on my posts but I got hijacked and these things do my nerves up wretched.

Anyway how are you?

(First commenter gets to steer my brain in another even more stupid direction tomorrow.)