I have been delayed.

Alright I am having trouble organising a night where I can get rogered on Irish Cream and write stupid poetry. You think it would be easier for a fucking unemployed alcoholic to find a night to get drunk. The night is coming though. Be prepared.

To stop you guys forgetting about me I have decided to post some euphemisms I use regularly because I am uncomfortable talking about things. Some of the are themed! Some of them are original! All of them make me seem like a terrible person!


Shake hands with the president.

Send some coffees/beers to breakfast heaven.

See a man about a famous urinating horse which I am considering buying.

Wash away the filth of Saruman.

Opposite drink.

Make Sauron cry.



Push a Wookie down a garbage chute.

Drop some rebels into the sarlaac pit.

Blast nasty.

Butt scream.

Drop off the Cosby kids at the pool.

Dump the warp core.

Send a present to the pipe children.

Bulls-eye a wamp rat in my T-16.

Release the hounds.

Dump my cargo at the first sign of an imperial star-cruiser.



Do the horrendous necessary.

Bump uglies.

Make a two person Voltron.

Put on the one ring.

Pierce Boromir with many arrows.

Slay a dragon.

Sheath my lightsaber.

Show a hobbit the secret path into Mordor. (This one is almost too terrible.)



Choke Jabba.

Beat some information out of The Joker.

Spend time with the baby sausage.


Ok that is enough of that. If you think of any better ones comment and I will comment back saying “hahaha”. If you want to hurl abuse at me also comment. If you love my body and want to party, please feel free to leave me the hell alone.

5 thoughts on “I have been delayed.

  1. Nev says:

    hahaha, I am using “sending coffees to breakfast heaven” I have a few additions to make.

    Making the wookie howl (obviously sexually related)

    Going to Mount Doom (obviously a shit related adventure)

    Making the Kessel run in less than 12 parsecs (an obvious premature ejaculation joke)

    That’s all I’ve got so far.

  2. sirsmorgasbord says:

    You forgot “plugging in the yellow cable”

  3. SamsSexAholic says:

    In the spirit of Australia day, I refer you to the Cosby kids at the pool retort. I believe it is more appropriate to change it to dropping Cathy Freeman’s kids off at the pool!

    In conclusion, I hate your body, wanna really fucking party?

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