The Nuse

I have been described by some as a bit of a recluse. I kind of pride myself on not having a finger on the pulse of modern culture. But since I have not updated in a while and am very sorry because, I will now give you an update on current events from the view of someone whose grip on reality is like the grip a leper has on a flail in full swing. The fact that I used a flail in a simile probably gives an indication of where I am coming from. Here we go for the first…

NEWS UPDATE FROM SKYDEKKERIX

 

Weather:

The weather has been nice because it has left me the hell alone.

 

Television:

Game of Thrones continues to be pretty rad. There are a lot of boobs in it which I think is kind of unnecessary. Not that I am against naked ladies. I just think there should be dongs in it equal to half the amount of boobs in it. We are all equals people!

Masterchef continues to confuse me. People cry over food and the music changes to often for me to take it seriously. People seem to like it though but that is up to them.

Is reality television still a thing? I think it is. It seems to be better than when it was an excuse to watch drunken bogans in bikinis scratch each other’s eyes out.

Sorry for using the word bogan I will try and make this post more accessible to overseas readers.

 

Overseas News:

I think Australia is not at war anymore! Weird! Unless it is a war against war. I imagine soldiers in that war carry big Kevlar plates that make it annoying to shoot anyone. Soldiers tend to have scary voices so I avoid being yelled at by them.

America is in a bit of trouble but they can pull through with a bit of encouragement. Come on America you are almost there!

Europe continues to be a place where people enjoy things.

I think we are friends with China which is good because Chinese people continue to be friendly to everyone.

 

Politics:

There are no politicians that are friends with each other anymore. They need to stop being so grouchy and maybe try to run the country for a while.

The president of Australia does not want gay people to marry but that is probably because she does not want any people to be married.

I am afraid that people will vote for Tony Abbot and that he will start a war but I got to worry about something and that seems like a reasonable thing to worry about instead of worrying about everything else constantly.

 

Food:

I am a vegetarian now! Things that vegetarians do include not eating meat and getting made fun of for not eating meat and congratulating themselves for all of the above. I have lost a lot of weight but I was really using it for anything anyway.

BREAKING FOOD NEWS UPDATE!

I am so hungry.

 

Books:

Books continue to be read but now they are read on weird tablet computers that do not seem to be useful for much else. I do not really have to worry about that since I will never have any money ever.

I have read The Hunger Games book one and book two. They are better than twilight but also there has been no character ever that used a bow and was not incredibly lame. I am Team Peeta Find Another Girl Who Will Not Try To Kill You At The Drop Of A Hat.

 

Movies:

Movies continue to get better in quality. Good on you movies! Someone should give movies an award.

I am excited for many if not more movies this year!

 

Celebrities:

Celebrities continue to be awful in almost every way and they continue to make me both sad and angry.
Music:

Every new band I discover makes me feel both stupid and also stressed. There are a lot of them so it doesn’t look like stopping any time soon.

 

Drugs:

I am smoking again. A lot of people are disappointed. I have no excuse.

 

Crime:

I stopped watching Cops because I am able to sleep now.

 

I think that pretty covers it. If you think that I have missed anything then you are probably right. If I was a news anchor my sign off would be “Please try not to hurt yourself. I worry about you.”

One thought on “The Nuse

  1. Akash says:

    I’m more confused about all subject-matters addressed than I was when I started reading…

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