Moped

Well my babies I am three days deep in a sad way for no real reason and that’s the way of things. I been huffin down my meds and forgettin I got the swings for nearly ten years and every now and then it creeps up on me and hangs on to the back of my shirt for a couple of sunups until I got the good sense to turn around.

One good thing I can tell you my bipolar buddies is that the cycle aint so vicious if you look closely and see that the blades on it are just taped on triangles of silver cardboard and if nothin else you got probable cause to really feel the sad songs even if things aint goin wrong.

So without further french here is this:

 

Get the Most out of your Bipolar Mope with our 10? Step Plan

 

Step one:

Get home from work resolved to do more than any human can get done in four hours

 

Step two:

Fuckin just refresh social media until you are Both: too angry to think straight And: too sad to do anything useful

 

Step 3:

Nap for just long enough to feel guilty but definitely not long enough to stop feeling tired

 

Step four:

Youtube time! Aim for songs that are either apocalyptically depressing or songs with a quiet energy and ironically depressing lyrics. Throw in some vines from cruel people to really fuck yourself up

 

Number five:

Resolve to write something that is incredibly important and heartfelt and will voice the pain of your generation and help people and bring about world peace and something that will definitely just make you sit at the computer screen staring with your head in your hands for so long that your hair sticks permanently up like you’ve been standing in one of those wind chambers where people desperately try to grab money

 

Six:

Click on an endless stream of Warhammer memes until you come across one of the gross ones of a space elf with grotesquely large boobs. Get angry with nerds. Tab back to empty word document. Repeat

 

Step Seven:

Probably a (fucking) great time to think really hard about your life while lying on a couch with your eyes closed

 

Step Ate:

Make sure you hit that dosage of caffeine where it has the opposite effect on you

 

Step Nine:

Wonder why you feel so terrible when literally everything in your life is going so well (Answer: you should feel bad about yourself)

 

Step Ten:

Remember that you have bipolar and that you are an idiot and none of this process was actually important because you are just tired and hot and probably need a good nights sleep and some chocolate

 

Step Ten:

Make 1(one) joke about it and put it on an internet

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