The year is well into sci fi. Internet scams now include houses on Mars. They turned The Hobbit into a zero player videogame. I saw Tony Hawk stumbling around on a hoverboard because his ass old now. I been writing around since declared Not Able but Money People want me to get a Real Job. Apparently it is nigh time I returned from outer space and put the mission of the sacred heart on hold so I can make coffee for some arsehole who is angry about how many metal discs he has to cough up to get kilojoules.
Ancient Work History
Male Staff
KFC
Early 2007
Responsibilities:
Covering colleagues for weed breaks
Beatboxing
Making that gross ass waste gravy
Skills Acquired:
Stealth Vomiting
How to ask for lunch breaks
Complete resistance to burn injuries
Sandwich Artist
Subway
2007-2008
Responsibilities:
Secret drinks fridge police/main offender
Food Court soundtrack
Every damn thing
Skills Acquired:
Caffeine
How to be one of gang
Made a sandwich so bad there was a picture on the internet
I tried to get into the air force about here but it turned out Warrant Officers hate exactly people like me. Dodged several bullets.
Student
QUT
2008-2010
Responsibilities:
Public Transport
Gandalf sleep with eyes open thing
Attending (didn’t)
Skills Acquired:
Keeping my damn mouth shut
Beer
How to bullshit
Sandwich Artist
Subway
One day somewhere in 2009 I think
Responsibilities:
Way Too Many
Skills Acquired:
I quit as soon as I was further than yelling distance from the store so nope I guess
Disabled
My house
2010
Skills Acquired:
Beer Weight
How to be cool with hallucinations
Killed it on fallout
Muse
Gumtree
That really weird week in 2010
Responsibilities:
I was supposed to have conversations(?) with this real intense American dude and maybe travel the world and shit
Skills Acquired:
How to realise that is probably serial killer
Wrote Website (Should have learned what that is called in uni)
Startup Genetics Company/High School Friend who had too high an opinion of me
2010
Responsibilities:
Advertising
Explaining
Yes I Know What I Am Doing nods
Skills Acquired:
How to hate advertising
How to hate stereotypes
How to hate 8am
I don’t remember like any of 2011
General Writer
My House
Always
Responsibilities:
Write things
Hope
Stress
Skills Acquired:
Too self-deprecating for this section
Sorcerer Technically
My House
Dawn of Spacetime
Responsibilities:
Not much
I give a lot of wise advice if that counts
Skills Acquired:
Fencing
Diabolism
Elemental Manipulation
Divination
Astral Projection
Nothing Useful
Also I gave my number to three different record producers who wanted me to be in a band but I am pretty sure now those guys were just hitting on me so no dice there
Possible Career Opportunities
Glam Rock Frontman or any kind of President
Bouncer at medieval themed bar
Normal people things surely
I do weddings
Skydekkerix 