Devil’s Advocate

I am not very good at opinions. The nature of my reality is so fragile that I just broke it by thinking about it. I find it hard to have arguments. I see things from a lot of viewpoints. I don’t tend to play devil’s advocate as much as the devil’s stoned little brother who just wants to talk about cartoons. I realize this makes me a pretty terrible human being though, so I am going to give it as good a go as I got. Let’s do this.




There is no god

Actually I guess if I was a god I would be hesitant to reveal myself to a bunch of angry apes with machine guns

Even if they wrote some books about how angry I am

That would make me pretty angry

God hates us

Though he might not

I assume he probably isn’t just another really big ape with control over the weather

I should stop saying he

God could be a girl

Actually he is probably neither



God could be just a sequence of coincidences with the appearance of will

Do I believe in coincidence?


Unless, you know, it happens

Maybe I should start smaller

The government sucks

Well about as much as other governments

Unless that is just what the government wants me to think

I don’t really have an alternative but

I used to be for socialism but I realized I don’t want to eat millet and work on a farm

Working kind of sucks

Unless you love your job

I guess no dice there

Ooh I could have an opinion on immigration

We should allow everyone into our country

Because fuck the government

That might need work

There are animals here too

I don’t want them all to die

I mean before their time

We should protect the environment

The parts we don’t need to live

That doesn’t really leave much

We should stop dropping piles of shit in the ocean at least

Maybe fire the shit into space

That would probably cause a lot of carbon emissions

A lot of people way smarter than me are working on this

I guess that means I should stop thinking about it

Unless I am the smartest guy on the planet and I don’t know it

There is absolutely no way of finding that out

God sucks

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