There comes a point when you realise your state is going to hell. Queensland is moving backwards through time, eventually we will all walk into the ocean and grow fins and piss out of our skins. We have a premier that would rather fund Big Brother than literary awards, that will axe jobs in child protection and then pat himself on the back and give himself a pay-rise.
Normally I don’t get involved in politics because I am not that smart and only have opinions if they fit with the character I am creating for my independent Australian romantic comedy movie. This time it is personal though. My brother lost his job, my mother is doing the work of ten people trying to save kids from rapists, and Big Brother is back on television.
Campbell Newman has thrust all creative and intelligent people into a makeshift resistance, whether we want to be or not. I have had responsibility forced upon me and I have to rise to the challenge. So I am going to do the only thing I “can do”…
THE SKYDEKKERIX LIST OF MEAN NEWMAN JOKES
Newman is so dumb he got tackled by the Wally Lewis Statue.
Newman is so fat he had to make a tunnel just to get through Queen Street Mall.
Newman is so corrupt, Putin gave up and started a charity.
Newman is so fat he ate Harold Holt.
Newman is so homophobic he can’t use chopsticks.
Newman is so misogynistic he made his mother get a sex change.
Newman is so uncreative he was the first kid in his preschool to discover Google Images.
Newman is so backwards he was born at the Abbey Tournament.
Newman is so vain I bet he thinks this song is about him.
Newman is so dumb he put a tax on paramilitary companies because he thought they were employing disabled people.
Newman is so racist he only drinks milk.
Newman is so religious even his shit is Catholic.
Newman is so dumb, blah blah something Seinfeld related.
That’s all I got guys, you are on your own from here. Viva la revolucion!
Newman? More like Oldmanpoliticianboodownwithpolotics!